So I came back from the foreign land far far away. During the trip I had gained 5 kilos (11lb) and I had stomach as a pregnant woman. I have to be honest though, some of it was water as I lost 3 kilos (6.6lb) in two weeks, doing absolutely nothing. Well I started my journey by not eating candy, snacks etc. anymore. When I got used to that I cut off pasta, rice and most of bread from my diet too. I prefer fish and white lean meat and I added loads of vegetables and fruit into my diet. I started to loose weight steadily. After 4 months I had lost 10 kilos (22lb), all this without any exercise. I felt amazing. It might sound easy but it really wasn't. Changing the way I eat required a lot of self discipline and I couldn't have done it without my couple who handled my cranky face when I wanted to eat bad things and he wouldn't let me. After a while though it came easier and easier.

My couple had to go back to the foreign land far far away and I put all my energy into studying and doing exercise at home. I was stille loosing weight but I was also getting fitter. I missed my couple so much that the only way not to go crazy was making sure that I had hardly any quiet moments during the days and that I exercised hard enough to fall asleep without trying. I started to go to the gym seriously in March 2006. I started to tone and was slowly loosing weight. Somewhere in May I hit the infamous plateau and lost my motivation. I had been trying hard for 9 months and it was the first plateau for me. I needed a break from dieting and everyday exercise. Maybe 2 months of break wasn't the best idea, but I feel that I needed it. The time also reminded me about the reasons why I am doing this. I also found completely new motivating factors, new reasons why I am doing this.

Besides from outside I only started to change from inside. I gained more confidence, I opened my eyes to new things. I realised many things about myself and many things about the people around me. I started to enjoy everything, the good and the bad. This time I really took everything in, I felt it, I laughed for it and I cried for it. But I felt it. I felt and still feel like a newborn and I am still learning more and more.

So someone opened my eyes, and I have changed so much in so many ways that sometimes I can't believe it's really me and at the same time I know that I am closer to the true me everyday. I deserve this. The most important thing is that I feel good about me and my life. And I am just starting. 

I was a nerd. And not only a nerd, a really lame one. I had all the qualities of a nerd but i was not in anyway intelligent or talented as nerds normally are. (And by the way, I admire nerds, cause usually they are damn smart and hardworking, this just wasn't my case.) I had hardly ever done any exercise in my life, I was mainly eating noodles with butter and I preferred to hide under my blanket reading a book than to actually go out to the real world and exprience the things myself. I was content, I was even happy, I wasn't suffering and I felt that things were going good. Until something happened. I traveled to the other side of the world, met new people but most of all met a person who opened my eyes. I realized I hadn't lived at all. I had lived, physically yes, but I hadn't experienced nothing and I knew that somewhere along the way I had lost my self. I was not being me, I somehow thought that I shouldn't be the way I really was because it was not (lacking a better word) appropriate. Then I realized that I simply (pardon my language) do not give a fuck.

So I started to change myself, I started to eat better, I started to gain confidence, but this time a different kind of confidence. I started to change my style and I started to get to know myself and also I started to get to know the world. All this was really scary. Honestly, especially knowing the world part. Sometimes it still scares the shit out of me. Luckily I have someone helping me. I am not alone. But yes the truth to be told, knowing the world has made my life some sort of a rollercoaster. Just imagine this, normally you learn things about life, people and world slowly. Everyday you learn something new, you get time to adjust to the gooda and to the bad things. For me when I opened my eyes all the things, good and bad, started to rush in on me so fast that I could hardly take them in. Sometimes the good things made me so happy I wanted to cry, I felt good about me, my life, the world. But then the bad things. I wanted to run, as fast as I could. I freaked out, I got these short but intensive depression attacks. Too much. And when I thought I couldn't handle it anymore, when I was about nothing to close my eyes again he caught me. Sometimes HE pushed me over the edge but somehow he really caught me.

I am still on this path. I still fight everyday not to close my eyes again. I try to enjoy the good and the bad things and be calm as they come. It's not easy though. I am also (like so many women) trying to fight against my inner voice who is telling me how much better idea it is to eat eat eat and how boooring and useless it is to exercise. I'm now trying to kill that voice. I don't want to go back to my new self.